


Three is company but four ......

by sherlock221Bismymuse



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Feels, Episode: s15e13 Destiny's Child, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Multi, Season/Series 15 Spoilers, True Love, Wincest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:52:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23358811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherlock221Bismymuse/pseuds/sherlock221Bismymuse
Summary: Four? Four is a potential for disaster or a really exciting menage a quatre or two pairs of wincest
Relationships: AU Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, AU Sam Winchester/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester
Comments: 62
Kudos: 106





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Samuel and Dean Winchester from HunterCorp and the possibility that they stayed on a bit longer in the Bunker :)

Dean was grumpy that morning. He had managed to sleep well but as soon as he woke up he remembered that those two morons were still in the Bunker.

He knew that the Bunker rightfully belonged to all hunters and all Men of Letters and it was childish to be possessive and annoyed when others came in but that was how he felt and there was no point denying it. He didn’t mind sharing things, oddly enough, despite the fact that he had hardly ever had anything that was only his while growing up. In fact he made it a point to try and handle his few books and games and even clothes with care so that when they eventually were handed down to Sam they would not be totally wrecked.

But today, waking up and remembering those two just made him grind his teeth.

 _HunterCorp?! HunterCorp his ass_. He wanted to reach into that alternate universe and …and….

He sighed heavily. _Well. They were doing what worked in their universe. It wasn’t their fault. They had a dad who had apparently gotten rich being a hunter and they had planes and pilots and drank bloody scotch._

For a brief second he imagine what his and Sammy’s life would have been like if they lived there. Sam would have been happier he guessed _._ He always wanted to leave the hunting life and be ‘normal’. But as for himself?! He blinked and snorted. _No way. NO WAY would he want to trade what he had, what they had for ANYthing those two had…..wait, what had happened to Mary in their Universe? They never talked about it. But they didn’t mention her at all….. and what was their Bobby like? An air traffic controller?! And Charlie? Head of HackerCorp? And Lisa and Ben?_

Dean closed his eyes and leaned forward onto the countertop waiting for the coffee machine to do its magic. It was too early in the day for these thoughts. His brain cells needed to be soaked in a few ounces of caffeine before he could overload them like this….

“Hello! Good mornin’!” came a cheerful voice in a higher pitch than Dean was used to. He suppressed a groan as he turned around to find Samuel entering the kitchen, smiling.

_Further proof that he wanted nothing to do with these two, he thought. Who the fuck SMILES and waves, bloody WAVES at other people before coffee…….but hey what was this man doing?!_

Samuel was walking towards the newly installed microwave. Samuel was opening it and taking out a steaming mug of coffee. Dean almost felt his knees give away at how good that smelt. Samuel was holding it out to him.

“Here. I made it for you. I figured that if you are like my Dean you would probably be dying for it when you woke up. I made it just five minutes ago and kept it there for you but then I heard you come in just now so …..”

Dean just stared at him like he was an alien from another dimension (which, well, in a sense he was) and took the offered mug and drank. Three sips in and his brain kick started and he spoke “Uh..um, thanks man! That was…” Dean shook his head. “I really needed that.”

“No problem!” Samuel said smiling and waving and adjusting his scarf. “So I figured that you seem to be in charge of the kitchen? I was wondering if we could go grocery shopping today? I would LOVE to have some avocado toast and quinoa and ….”

Dean tuned out _oh good lord was Sam a prissy food princess is EVERY bloody universe?!!_ And then he heard some words that made his eyes go wide…… “And some really good quality bacon. I mean I don’t eat too much of it but when I want to eat it then might as well have the best right?? And some seasonal fruit pie? I do adore a smidgen of cream on mine and I don’t think you have any here so maybe……”

Dean felt as though the world had suddenly become a brighter place and he drained the cup, put it in the sink and gestured to Samuel to follow him. He picked up his car keys and left a note for his Sam on the library table and soon he and Samuel were out in the pleasantly cool morning, driving down to the nearest 24 hour grocery store.

.

.

Sam woke up and stretched himself, feeling every muscle sore and every joint creaking. He shook his head. _Poor Dean must be feeling so much worse_ …he thought even as he hoped that Dean was still asleep so he could make some coffee and keep it ready for him _. He was sure to be even more grumpy than usual because of those two._ Sam smiled to himself. Dean would never admit in a hundred years but Sam knew it irritated him to have other people in their space. He knew that even when Dean had been angry at Mom for wanting to move out and take some time to figure things out, he had been at least a bit relieved to have to share only with Sam again.

 _Poor Dean. He had never had anything that was all his own._ He remembers Dean sharing everything with him, even before he outgrew them or got bored of them. He remembers Dean stealing things from others so Sam could have Christmas gifts. He knows that Dean is generous to a fault and that his irritation at sharing space does not come from having to share.

It comes from Dean’s almost pathological aversion to relationships. Sam knows this. He knows Dean even better than he knows himself and he wonders how Dean is going to cope with having to build a relationship with these two. Sam muses as he brushes his teeth. _Dean had loved Carrie, Lisa, Charlie. He had had a good relationship with Bobby. And in fact he had had a much better relationship with their own father than Sam had, even if it was more of a good soldier to the drill sergeant. No idea how long these two were going to stay but Dean will probably eventually charm them in his own gruff way. After all his Dean did have a heart of gold under all those thorns._

With these musing Sam left his room and went towards the kitchen, cursing himself a bit when he heard sounds coming from there. _Shit. He should have made sure to wake up before Dean_ …and then he stood stock still as he entered the kitchen.

It was the other Dean, (Pretty Dean as he called him mentally), sitting there and drinking coffee and writing something.

“Hey morning” he said when he noticed Sam.

Sam smiled and nodded. “Off to a busy start?” he remarked looking at what Pretty Dean was writing.

“Oh just making a list of things to do. Might as well establish a routine you know?” Pretty Dean said. “Yoga, music therapy…maybe there are some good books of poetry and fiction in the library? Oh and I wanted to ask if we can do a grocery run? I am vegan you know. No dairy either.” he said with an apologetic grimace and a shrug.

Sam just stared and nodded. _Pretty Dean was vegan?? He wanted to read poetry?? Pretty Dean was going to do yoga? YOGA??_ Sam felt as though he was looking at an alien from another dimension ( which uh… he kind of was)

“Sure.” Sam said. “I have kept some of my favourite books, umm….favourite non-lore books, on a separate shelf in the library. Maybe after breakfast….”

“Oh that would be AWESOME!” Pretty Dean said, grinning happily.

That exclamation of 'awesome' was SO like his Dean that Sam felt a sudden stab of something. _When was the last time he had seen his Dean smile so happily and openly? Would Dean have been happier if they had both been in that other universe? HunterCorp? Dean lived for hunting. Well more for saving people really. If he could do it remotely and on a global scale would that not have made him even happier?! Maybe Samuel had never left his Dean and gone to Stanford. Maybe Pretty Dean had never needed to live without him and then go bring him back. Maybe…_

“Hey?” Pretty Dean was speaking again. “Do you have a yoga mat I could borrow?”

.

.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam spends time with AU Dean and Dean hangs out with AU Sam.

Sam had read the note from his Dean and wondered what could have persuaded him to do a grocery run so early in the day and that too with Other Sam. Wonders would never cease…..

With nothing else to do Sam decided to show Pretty Dean a quiet spot in one of the less explored parts of the Bunker where he could set up a yoga and ‘calm thinking’ space. Pretty Dean had been delighted and was talking nineteen to the dozen about _re-decorating and finding some mattresses and maybe some houseplants and a wind-chime, not that there is any wind here underground but you know more as a Feng Shui element. Maybe a water cooler and some mandalas on the wall and this could be our Zen retreat._

“Your Dean looks like he needs something like this” He said and before Sam could open his mouth Pretty Dean held up his hands with a grin, “I know, I know, don’t worry. I won’t say it to him directly of course. Haha. Not suicidal.”

Sam just shrugged. “He has had a rough time.”

Pretty Dean looked at him thoughtfully. “Haven’t you too?”

“Yes but Dean takes it harder. He always does. He feels responsible.”

“For what?”

Sam gave a bitter laugh. “For everything. For me. For the world. For everyone in it. Probably for both of you too.”

Pretty Dean whistled. “Yahtzee. That’s quite a burden to carry! Should have been named Atlas. Well, let’s see. Maybe he will come around to the Zen Retreat eventually. Anyway, hope they have come back from grocery shopping. Am starving!”

They walked down towards the library with Pretty Dean speaking about auras and dreams and being in touch with his inner self while Sam walked next to him in quiet contemplation.

_His Dean had never had a chance to really get comfortable with his inner self. He had been forced to build a wall to protect his inner self way before Sam had needed a wall when his soul had been rescued from the Cage. Dean had become a surrogate parent to him at the age of four. What do kids do at four? Sit on their mother’s laps and be fed and pampered and have stories read to them and have fun on the playground. Maybe keep a pet. Eat ice- creams. Go for playdates, birthday parties. What did Dean have? He had to look out for Sam. He had to be mother and father and caretaker at the age of four to a six month baby and an emotionally wrecked adult while himself missing a mother he actually remembered. And then two years later he had to learn how to use a gun. At the age of six._

Sam had one burning second of wishing they had never rescued these two and he had never been faced with a very real _avatar_ of what- could –have- been. Knowledge that forced him to see even more starkly what a difficult and miserable life Dean had been forced into.

He was interrupted in these thoughts by the clanging of the front door and a very surprising sound.

Dean was laughing. Uproariously.

Sam looked up to see Other Sam and his Dean walking down the staircase holding what looked like enough food for a small army. Dean was laughing so much that tears were streaming down his cheeks and Other Sam was looking pleased as punch.

Sam felt an irrational twinge of jealousy. _He had not heard Dean laugh like this in forever. What could Other Sam possibly have said to him that was so funny?!_

Dean saw him and gestured to the bags in his hands with his chin. “Dude?! Some help!”

It turned out that there were still more bags of groceries in the car.

Finally as the three of them stood in the kitchen looking at the mounds of food and Dean opened the fridge and started putting away the perishables, Sam spoke up. “Dean, this is a lot of food even for four people!”

“Yeah I know. There is something going on in the outside world man. Some kind of virus. Not our kind of monster.” Dean shrugged. “But sounded dangerous. So Samuel here said it was better to be prepared for a lockdown. Hence all this.” He gestured to the dining table which was overflowing with food. “You have no idea how good this guy is at grocery shopping!! Lists and categories and ranking and price check. It’s almost like a super power dude!’

Other Sam preened under his praise and fiddled with his scarf. “Oh it’s nothing. Just an algorithm I developed when I was put in charge of household management after….”

He stopped and looked at Pretty Dean. Then he looked away and said “Oh well, don’t worry, I can share that software programme with you. Super helpful for inventory and planning. And now we are set for a one month lockdown. Including your almond milk and veggie bacon and non- dairy yoghurt Dean-o.”

“You are the best!” Pretty Dean said with a smile and a thumbs up. “And now we _must_ have breakfast or I am going to pass out. Not used to skipping meals!” He rubbed his stomach as he looked at Sam.

Sam looked at Dean and a different look passed between them. Other Sam caught it and asked “Everything ok?”

Sam never knew what came over him but he felt compelled to say “Dean starved when we were kids. He missed meals and skipped meals so that I could have enough food.”

Dean growled. “Stop it Sam. It’s done and gone. Look at these muscles now dude! I whipped your ass hundreds of times and I can still take you in a fight.”

“Ooh that you can I am sure!” Other Sam said with a coy smile, poking Dean’s biceps. “You are such a big manly man. Strong and …and so lumber sexual.”

Sam blinked. _Huh?!_ He thought Dean would say something snarky in response but Dean was… _was Dean blushing?!!_

Pretty Dean broke the awkward moment by jabbing Other Sam in the ribs. “Hey Princess, start cooking or move out! Even better, go take a shower. What did you do at the grocery store?? Run a marathon? You reek dude. Go!”

Dean laughed. “Hey give him a break. We carried over 20 bags of food and stuff. Your froofy almond milk cartons aren’t light man! But I want all three of you leave my kitchen now. Shoo everyone! I will cook breakfast and then call you back in.”

.

.

.

An hour later Pretty Dean pushed his empty plate away and sighed. “That was so good! And to eat with family just makes it so much better. I missed this you know.” He looked at his Sam.

Other Sam looked back at him with a sad-face and said “Dean I am sorry. I didn’t want to leave YOU. I never would. You _know_ that. It’s just that dad….”

At that Sam gave his Dean a stricken look and Dean blinked and looked away, face going on lockdown.

Pretty Dean put up his hand to stop Other Sam. “It’s ok Sammy. I know. I understand. You don’t have to feel guilty forever. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. It’s just that I REALLY did miss this.” He continued softly “I missed you.” Then he gave a bright smile. “But hey, we don’t want to pull everyone down with our little melodramas now do we?! What’s the plan for today?”

After much discussion and negotiation it turned out that Sam and Pretty Dean wanted to spend the morning in the library, reading and stuff while Dean wanted to shower and rest and then cook lunch and maybe do a Die Hard movie marathon later.

Other Sam almost squealed with delight when he said that. He clapped his hands together rapidly. “Die Hard?! OMG. My favourite movies EVER! After Indiana Jones of course. Oh and also Snakes on a Plane. Oh will there be popcorn?!”

Dean gave him a delighted smile like he had just been given free entry to a carnival. “Dude! Of course there will be popcorn! I maybe “lumbersexual” (and he made air quotes and rolled his eyes) but I am not a beast. It’s going to be the best movie marathon ever. ”

.

.

As he sat in the library later, Sam wasn’t sure why he was feeling low- key miserable till he realized that Dean had not even asked him to join the movie marathon. _Well, he hadn’t said he couldn’t and Sam himself hadn’t exactly said he wanted to but still_ …..He felt an irrational anger at Other Sam. _Dean was HIS brother. He should be happier with him, not Other Sam._

Then Pretty Dean picked up some of his favourite books and started asking him about each one and Sam found himself losing track of time as he explained.

When Dean came to call them for lunch Sam was completely surprised. He had spent three hours talking to Pretty Dean about his books! He couldn’t remember when the last time was that he had enjoyed so much intellectual engagement. Sure he and Dean and Bobby discussed lore and he loved learning spells from Rowena but this was different. It felt like a kinship of a different kind to have someone to talk to who is on the same wavelength. Pretty Dean may not have been the same kind of hunter they were but he was as sharp and as intuitive as his Dean. He was as generous and as deeply moved by injustice and other people’s pain. He was funny and a little bit naughty and Sam found himself looking forward to the chance to spend more time with him.

.

.

After lunch Dean retreated to his room with Other Sam in tow, to start the promised movie marathon.

Since Dean had cooked and Other Sam was so excited about the movies, Pretty Dean and Sam offered to do the dishes. As they finished drying the lot and putting them away Pretty Dean asked Sam. “If this virus thing outside is really serious then we should go out today itself and get some supplies for the yoga room? If you don’t mind of course. Is there a Home Depot nearby?”

“Sure. We can go.” Sam said, thinking that he might as well keep busy rather than mope around in the library thinking of Dean with Other Sam.

So Sam knocked on Dean’s door and peeped in to tell him they were going out. Dean paused the movie to nod and then yelled out to Other Dean (Fragile Dean he called him in his head)

“Drive your car carefully and watch out for Sammy.”

“Yes Sir!” Other Dean mock saluted him and winked at his own Sam who was sitting comfortably curled up next to Fierce Dean, as he called him in his head, cozy and wrapped up in a throw, his face glowing in the reflection of the movie.

Other Dean was hit with mixed feelings, sudden and strong like he was not used to really.

He was happy that his Sam was looking so happy. He was even more happy that Fierce Dean seemed to have taken a shine to his Sammy.

_But….why did his Sammy have to look SO happy with Fierce and Angry Dean?_ Like his own Dean wasn’t enough for him. Like he had needed something _more_ ……And Angry Dean was certainly more. He seemed to be more of _everything_. He filled up any space he walked into. He seemed volatile and dangerous and Dean was just slightly scared of him but even more worried for him. Angry Dean needed some serious relaxation and chilling out.

_Oh well. He was doing that now wasn’t he?_ So maybe he should shag ass and get some alone time with New Sam who was so much like his Sammy but somehow deeper and darker. Like he was barely holding it all together but somehow also like he was holding back from unleashing some dark power onto the world. He intrigued him. He wanted to get to know him better and this was going to be perfect because he had a feeling that Quiet Sam did not talk much to others in front of Angry Dean. They seemed to have the same kind of wordless communication he had with his Sammy. His Sweet and sometimes Silly Sammy with his man bun and endless collection of silk scarves. He hid behind that frivolous façade a very shrewd brain that could run circles around data miners and was what had helped HunterCorp rise to the top among the dime a dozen hunting start-ups. Sammy and his unerring capacity for mining data and finding the monster.

He felt himself smiling fondly and his Sammy caught his eye and smiled back and gave a tiny wave and adjusted his man-bun.

.

.

So it was that Sam found himself trying to squeeze into the passenger seat in Pretty Dean’s car and carrying many empty cloth and canvas bags for the stuff they were going to buy.

“Non- biodegradable waste is going to kill your planet before this virus or even before Chuck does dude. Trust me!” Pretty Dean had said very solemnly. So Sam had searched around the Bunker and found 6 suitable bags and taken them along.

As the car pulled out of the driveway Pretty Dean fiddled with the audio system and clicked play.

“Today we will be listening to Thich Nhat Hanh.” He said. “Sorry if you don’t enjoy that but …..the driver picks the audiobook and the shotgun? …………Shotgun can wear Bose noise cancelling headphones!”

Sam laughed at that.

It was amusing (and slightly disturbing!) how both the Deans were so alike despite appearing and behaving so differently. With a slow awareness he wondered if maybe the same was true for him and Other Sam.

_So maybe Dean liking Other Sam was because he was liking what was the same thing about his Sam…..Or was it because he was liking what was different?_

“Huh what?” Sam said as an elbow jabbed him.

“Dude! I have been talking for the last ten minutes and spilling my guts and you are zoned out! Not much of a talker are you?” Pretty Dean said. “You know back on my planet I invented a virtual reality programme we used on long drives. The car basically drives itself really. So we would decide what we wanted to see going by! We travelled the world without leaving the country. I hate flying and Sammy gets seasick so not too many options really. We couldn’t save those devices when we fled our universe but maybe given time I could reinvent that here too……..” He trailed off. “Not sure how long we can stay here though…..”

“For as long as you need to or want to Dean.” Sam said immediately. “We are family.”

“Thanks man!” Pretty Dean grinned at him, eyes crinkling up. “That’s really kind of you. You know till this morning I would have said my main worry was your Dean. I thought he was going to get rid of us as soon as possible but he seems to be getting along with my Sammy like a house on fire!”

Sam did a double take at that.

“Uh sorry. Did I say something wrong?” Pretty Dean asked, looking worried.

“Uh no no. No. Well….it’s just…... my mom…our mom…. died in a house fire in this universe.”

Pretty Dean covered his mouth and his eyes were wide and dramatic. “Dude!! I am SO sorry.”

“No it’s ok. It was a long time ago. I was a baby. Dean saved me.”

“WOW. How old was he?”

“He was four.”

“Four? As in four years old? Like a pre- schooler??!”

Sam nodded.

“Wow!” Pretty Dean said again, shaking his head in awe. “I had been wondering what to call him since we are both Dean you know, but now I know. I am going to call him Hero Dean.” He grinned. “Not to his face of course. And I can’t keep calling him Your Dean because well… …I mean I am also your Dean aren’t I since we are besties and all now?” And then Pretty Dean did what Sam had seen his Hero Dean do a hundred times before. He gave him a cocked head- twinkle eyes- slow smile.

_Bloody H. E double hockey sticks!!! Pretty Dean was flirting with him?!!_

Sam felt dizzy for a minute, unsure. He remembered all those fevered dreams he used to have for his beautiful big brother Dean and how it had felt like fire ants running under his skin the whole time they were together. It felt like a life time ago. Like many lifetimes ago. Dean had been oblivious and gorgeous and annoying and just so magnetic yet un-touchable. Sam had been too tangled up in him for safety and comfort and approval and love to step back and control the desire and lust he was beginning to feel for him. And that feeling of guilt and self-loathing had added to his desperation and restlessness and made him run away to Stanford.

He had lied when he had told Dean later on over and over again that he was not running away from him. He totally was.

_But this Dean?! This Dean was not his brother. This Dean was sensitive, thoughtful, chatty and funny. This Dean read books and was vegan and listened to spiritual audiobooks and wanted to build a Zen retreat. This Dean was also smart as a whip underneath that preppy exterior._

_And this Dean was flirting with him._

“So what do you call me as different from your Dean? You know, in your head?” Pretty Dean asked with a wicked smile and winked at him.

Sam felt himself blush red hot at that question.

Pretty Dean laughed. “Dude! I totally gotta know now!! Spill!”

Sam mumbled in reply.

“What?”

“PrettyDean.” Sam said quickly.

Pretty Dean slowly pulled the car over and then turned to look at Sam.

“So…..you think I am pretty huh?” Pretty Dean leaned over and tucked one strand of hair back behind his ear. “Do you want to know what I have been calling you in my head?” His hand felt warm and soft and tender and Sam leaned into it slightly. “I have been calling you Warrior Sam. Deep Sam. Not that my Sam is shallow or not able to hold his own in…well in card games and software actually cos we never really did much hunting IRL. But you? You just seem…..darker. Edgier. Like you have looked into the abyss and the abyss has looked back at you. You know all that stuff about "Whoever fights with monsters should see to it that he does not become a monster in the process.” A bit more gravitas than my Sammy manages. A bit more dangerous than my Sammy ever was.”

Pretty Dean’s soft hand was now gently cupping his face and his thumb was now slowly caressing Sam’s lower lip as his voice rumbled lower. “You look like you have seen things no one should have had to. And you have survived. You have fought wars and won. You look like someone who has some empty spaces where love used to be or where love can be but you guard against it. Am I right Sam?”

The voice had become a gravelly whisper by now as Pretty Dean leaned in some more and Sam found himself leaning in too.

_Yes_ he wanted to shout. _Yes! I am a warrior and I have seen pain. More pain than anyone deserves in one lifetime or ten. I have won. I have lost. I have loved. I want to love. I want…_ and then their lips touched and Sam knew what he wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AU Sam's grocery superpowers were inspired by something I read from a Con where Jensen said he let Jared do all the groceries when they lived together cos Jared ate five times as much as him! And Jared said he thought it was because he was better at grocery shopping and Jensen just laughed at him :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are said. Deeds are done. Feelings are revealed.

Same knew what he wanted.

He wanted his own Dean. That was what he wanted. He wanted it so bad. He was hit with a craving so deep and so strong he almost doubled over with the pain of it.

But this Dean, Pretty Dean, was as amazing at kissing as he had always imagined his own Dean would be.

And his own Dean was forever out of bounds. He would probably punch Sam if he tried to kiss him.

So he decided he would take what he could get. He had wanted this for far too long.

He closed his eyes and kissed Pretty Dean with everything he had in him. With every yearning, with every want, with every ounce of love wrung from the depths of his being.

They kissed until they were breathless and wrecked and Sam could taste salt and he knew they were his own tears. He wanted more. He needed more. He wanted to be consumed in this flame of passion and be burnt to ashes.

As he tried to climb onto Pretty Dean’s lap he found himself being held back.

“Hey! Hey Sam? This car is not the Impala!” Pretty Dean was saying with a leer. “We will end up with broken bones if we try anything else in here. There was a motel a couple of lanes back. I am going to take us there. Let’s just take a room for a couple of hours. I don’t think I can drive around right now in this state anyway!” He looked down at himself with a smirk.

.

.

.

Back at the Bunker, Dean settled in on the bed with two huge bowls of popcorn and an even larger grin on his face.

“This is going to be AWESOME!!” he said as he switched the movie on. “It’s been ages since we’ve had time to just hang out …….”and then he stopped as he realized.

_Damn_. _This was not his Sammy._

_This was Happy Sam. From another dimension._

_This was a Cheeky Sam who had not been locked in the Cage. A Lucky Sam who had not fought with Lucifer inside his head. A Safe Sam who had not fought the Apocalypse tooth and nail. A Pampered Sam who probably didn’t even go on physical hunts. Not with that man- bun and manicured nails he didn’t!_

_But he was thoughtful and whip smart just like his Sammy. Funny too! He had him laughing his head off with his snarky comments at the grocery store. _

_And he seemed to admire him and want to be looked after by him in a way that his Sammy hadn’t done for decades now. Not since he left for Stanford. Not since he grew taller and bigger than him. Of course Dean still looked out for him and looked after him but he missed having someone who depended on him to be his shield from the big bad world. Who looked up to him._

_But then again, he didn’t really deserve to be looked up to by his Sammy any more_ Dean thought bitterly _. He had started the Apocalypse, treated Sam like a monster, hurt him more times than he cared to remember, lied to him and made him do things he didn’t want to._

_Also he had thrown away the amulet. Not just trashed it but done it in front of Sam’s eyes. Knowing that it would hurt him and knowing exactly how much it would hurt him…..And wanting to hurt him._

Dean felt the agony of his action as intensely even now. He probably didn’t deserve even what he had with his Sammy now, let alone anything more.

_So it was absolutely right that his Sammy no longer hero-worshipped him and no longer depended on him._ _Why would he? When all Dean had done was let him down. Again and again. And then once again._

Dean shook his head and looked at Happy Sam and tried hard to focus on what he was saying.

“I am SO looking forward to it! This popcorn is delicious and the movie is going to rock!” Samuel said and gave him a sweet smile. “You rock!”

So they started watching and Samuel cheered and groaned at all the right times and once he even gave Dean a fist bump.

Dean had forgotten his earlier misery and was feeling like a kid on a sugar high at a party. _This was so much fun! It was almost like having a friend._

_He felt a twinge of sorrow as he remembered Charlie. She had been his friend. And she had died a brutal death. He was poison. That is what he was. Whoever he cared for was destroyed. This Elegant Sam would also be destroyed._ _He needed to send them away before things got any further. The less tangled they were in his life the more likely they were to survive._

_But he craved connection though he would never admit it on pain of death. He wanted to share though he hated the emotional burdens that came with it._ _He decided he would let himself enjoy this. Today. Now that he had decided it was the last time. This Sam was looking so happy. He wouldn’t take it away from him now._

Blissfully unaware of this war being waged inside Dean’s head, Samuel was grinning at him and eating popcorn doing a little wiggle dance as the movie started. Dean smiled despite himself. This Sam was such a kid. He remembered how his Sammy would get all excited when they did movie nights. How he would almost glow in his company. How they would forget, just for a couple of blissful hours, the darkness and tragedy that was forever woven into the fabric of their lives. Escapism at its finest.

Now an hour into the movie and Samuel was holding onto his arm and eating popcorn out of his bowl. Sometime later a heavy head rested on Dean’s shoulder.

“Am just a bit tired you know. Travelling into another Universe…well it’s like jet lag but a hundred times worse….all this interstellar zipping around isn’t good for my skin either.” Samuel pouted. “Feel it. It’s become so rough. Go on. Feel it.”

Dean blinked and touched his cheek tentatively. “Uh…your skin feels fine dude. Smooth as a dolphin’s belly.”

“Oh you think so?” Samuel said with a giggle and a blush. “Well, that’s good to know! Would you mind very much if I were to get more horizontal?”

“Uh yeah sure…” Dean said as Samuel undid his man bun and shook his hair loose and proceeded to slide down to _…uh…..what?...._ not only put his head on Dean’s lap but also reach out and pull his arm and make him pet his hair.

“I like that” Samuel offered in explanation. “Sooo relaxing.”

Dean was in a daze. _He couldn’t remember the last time that he and Sam had shared a bed as adults. He had missed that. He missed being the one Sam turned to when he had nightmares or when he was tired or when…or just any time at all. He missed that warm familiar smell of him when he woke up. He missed being held by Sammy._

_He missed being needed by Sammy._

“It’s been so stressful you know.” Samuel was saying. “Not knowing what has happened to home. What will happen to us. But you are so strong and so confident and so…you are so _good_ Dean that I feel safe around you. I feel as though I can face anything if you are around. I trust you. Thank you for protecting us Dee. Can I call you Dee?” He gave a coy smile looking up at him.

_Damn but did Sammy in every universe make those puppy eyes?!_

Dean looked down at this New Sam in wonder, even as his fingers were running through that soft hair, tugging on strands and tucking them behind his ear.Most of his walls had started to crumble at hearing the nickname his Sammy used to call him by in those days gone by that seemed almost like an innocent paradise compared to what they faced later.

For Dean’s whole life his entire purpose had been focussed on ‘Look out for Sammy’. But he had failed Sammy so often.

Sammy had been through so much and he hadn’t been able to save him or protect him. He had just watched on his knees when the kid had jumped into the Cage with Lucifer riding him. He had allowed Gadreel to control his brother because he wanted him to live. He had …….. _oh he had let his Sammy down so many many times._

All he wanted to do now was to hold Sammy, and comfort him and see him happy. Tell him how much he loved him.

_How nothing else mattered._

_How nothing else had ever mattered. _

_And how sorry he was for having Sammy feel even for one minute that he didn’t matter._

At the touch of a soft hand on his face Dean came out of his little reverie to find Soft Sam looking up at him, head on his lap, eyes full of something he hesitated to name, his face lit by the flashing colours and shadows from the TV screen.

Dean felt something heavy slip off his shoulders and some knot come untied inside his chest. He felt a tenderness he had not allowed himself to feel for decades. He felt needed. He felt adored.

And then he did something that horrified him.

He felt a single tear slip down his cheek.

Samuel scrambled up at that and held him close, his arms tender yet sturdy as Dean wept, silently and desperately.

When Sam sensed that Dean’s tremors had settled, he leaned back, took the scarf of his neck and dabbed Dean’s face with it. Then he held Dean’s face in his hands and looked into Dean’s eyes, leaned in slowly, giving him a chance to pull away and then he kissed him on the lips.

It was soft, just a caress, light as a breeze.

But Dean felt something ripple through his entire body. It was a sense of being released from a prison. It was a sense of coming home. It was liberation. It was joy.

He had always loved his Sammy with a pure and fierce love. He knew that he had craved something more but never allowed himself to even think about it. Not before Stanford when Sammy was too young and certainly not during the Stanford years when Sammy had done the un-thinkable and left Dean behind.

But that first night when he had broken into his flat and found himself face to face with the beautiful, almost magnificent young man, something had stirred inside him. _And if Jessica hadn’t turned up when she did…..meaningless taboos may not have held him back._

Then there had been so many others who came along and occupied their attention and some parts of their hearts, even if no one would ever capture all of it. Sam had found small moments of pleasure with Sarah and Madison and then he himself had been with Lisa and Benny and then Sam had hooked up with Ruby and then Amelia.

It seemed to be like a rollercoaster where they were always in each other’s sight but never able to reach out and hold on.

Sure, they hugged when it was the end of the world. And sure, the world had ended many times on their watch. But once, just once before their universe also ended and all existence as they knew was over…..just once he wanted to show Sammy just how much he was loved. And so he held Sam closer and kissed him back.

The kiss was fierce and demanding and rough and overpowering. Dean pulled him in till Samuel was sitting on his lap.

“Sammy!” Dean said when he stopped for a breath, his voice hoarse and gravelly, his hands caressing that beloved face. “I love you baby boy. I love you so much! Sammy…. .”

He wanted to worship his Sammy who had stayed strong and pure and generous and kind despite all that he had suffered, _oh how much the kid had suffered_ and Dean wanted to just hold him in his arms and keep him safe and never ever let him go. He wanted to love Sammy.

“Sammy ..please….Sammy….”

" Dean!" Samuel said breathlessly and at the sound of his voice Dean stopped and pulled back and stared at the man in his arms as though in a trance. Dean’s face froze and Samuel could see the freak- out coming from a mile ahead.

He swiftly got off Dean’s lap and even moved off the bed.

He stood there, uncertain and anxious, wringing his hands. He really did not want to have to chase Dean through the corridors of the Bunker. So he got Dean a glass of water and watched him drink.

Then he tentatively sat down on the edge of the bed and waited.

Two minutes passed as they sat there, light and shadows from the TV screen flickering over their faces. 

And then Dean started talking.

Dean told him everything.

From the way they lost their mother because of the Yellow Eyed Demon to Dad giving up his soul and Sam losing Jessie. He told Samuel about selling his own soul for Sammy, going to hell, coming back, Purgatory, Lucifer, the Mark of Cain, Darkness, Michel, Mom coming back and then losing Mom all over again. The Apocalypse. Sam in the Cage. Soulless Sam. Demon Dean. Everything.

Samuel sat there listening, with his hands on his cheeks and his face looking like the OMG emoji, all wide- eyed and horror struck.

“Oh Dean!!” he said finally, his voice low with misery. “And this is the two of you that Chuck says he likes best of all?! Oh if I could just get my hands on him.” And he growled but he looked about as threatening as an angry rabbit and Dean just had to laugh.

“Yeah. Sucks doesn’t it? Sorry to dump all this nonsense on you Samuel. But this is what I am.” Dean threw his head back against the headboard and closed his eyes. “A broken damaged man. An idiot. In love with his baby brother.”

“No Dean.” Samuel said. “You are a hero.”

He smiled as Dean opened his eyes and looked at him wide-eyed.

"Yes Dean, You are a hero. You are my hero. And I am going to help you.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two steps forward one step back. Both pairs are now engaged in an intricate dance.

Pretty Dean opened the motel room door and tossed the keys sideways on the table. Then he put his hand up to the front of his hair and deliberately pushed it up.

Sam stared at him and blinked. With his front hair flipped like that he looked exactly like his Dean! He couldn’t …he shouldn’t ……how… and then Dean was reaching out to pull Sam closer with his fingers tugging at his belt loops.

“Come here baby boy.” He said in a deep rumble that made Sam tremble even as he moved in closer. He felt his own hands find their way around Dean’s waist. That beautiful slim waist with the arching lean back.

Suddenly he wanted to touch. He wanted to touch Dean. Everywhere. And they were both wearing too many clothes. He pulled back a little and then almost ripped Dean’s shirt off. He wanted to feel his skin under his own skin and he wanted to feel it _now_.

Pretty Dean smirked and tugged at his T shirt and pulled Sam’s shirt off him too. Finally, finally he could feel that cool pale freckled skin under his hot hands.His mouth was being devoured by Dean and he was so light headed that he wasn’t sure how he was still standing. He wasn’t sure why they were still standing.

Sam felt a pure thrill of want course through him that he had not really felt for anyone ever. He had felt attraction of course, many times. He had felt lust. He had even felt desire. But this? This was so far beyond any of those feelings. He wanted to merge with Dean. He wanted to be inside Dean and he wanted Dean inside him. He wanted to never let go.

For a brief second he wondered what would happen if they never went back. If they ran away and……

“Dean…… Dean……” he moaned….between kissing him everywhere, his lips hot on that cool skin. “Dean please.”

“What do you want baby boy?” Pretty Dean asked him equally breathless and turned on, both of them hard and grinding their hips together in a wanton dance. “ Tell me what you want.”

“You. I want you Dean.” Sam said, his voice heavy with passion and a tremor running through it because this was it. This. The never imagined reality twist to his fevered dreams.

He tugged at Dean’s belt.

And just then his own phone rang. A Led Zepplin riff trilled through the room.

It was Dean.

His Dean.

_Fuck!!_

Sam looked like he had a bucket of cold water thrown on him.

_ FUCK!!! _

This was not his Dean with him.

His Dean was on the phone.

_ What the FUCK had he been about to do?!  _

He sat down like all his breath had left him suddenly. With trembling hands he picked up the phone and took the call.

“D….Dean?”

“Hey dude you ok?” Dean asked. “Just wanted to know how much longer you will be.”

“Uh…not much longer. We are just figuring out the supplies that he needs. Um.. that Dean needs.”

There was silence from the other side of the line.

“Uh…Dean?” Sam asked uncertainly. “You there?”

“Yeah yeah. I’m here. It’s just weird to hear you call him ‘Dean’ man. I mean….I don’t know……” He sounded so lost and Sam could sense that Dean was probably rubbing the back of his neck like he did when he was uncertain or worried.

He felt an overwhelming surge of so much love for the man. Dean. His Dean.

His messed up, crazy, strong, determined, faithful, funny, devoted, annoying- as- all- hell Dean. Who would never give up on him and who didn’t deserve to have Sam cheat on him with Pretty Dean.

Because that is what it suddenly felt like.

Like a cheating spouse running away to a motel for a quickie.

Sam felt sick. “Dean, I am coming back now. Gotta hang up.”

He refused to look at Pretty Dean as he rushed to the bathroom and splashed cold water on his face till he felt he could breathe again. Then he stood there for a minute looking at his own reflection in the mirror.

Knowing with an absolute certainty that no matter what happened he could not do this. He could never do this. He could never love anyone as much as he loved Dean. And if that meant he was to stay celibate for the rest of his life it was fine. It was not out of some old fashioned notion of ‘saving himself’ for his true love. He may have been far more choosey about who he shared his bed with than Dean had ever been but he had not been a monk.

It’s just that now the physical desire was all too tangled up in his feelings for Dean.

Of course the fact that they had faced a non-stop series of tragedies and disasters right from the day Dean had come to Stanford to get him and then the years had just sped by in taking on Heaven and Hell and fighting demons and angels and everything in between had not exactly been conducive to a meaningful personal life of any kind.

Or to any expression or even dealing with feelings.

The feelings that he had managed to supress so well and for so long. From before Stanford and most certainly with increasing difficulty since Stanford.

He could still feel the bitter roiling in his gut when Dean had told him about Cassie. He didn’t care that he was the one who had left home. He didn’t care that he had had a girlfriend and if Dean had not come by he would have probably been engaged and married. All those things were happening to Normal Sam. The Real Sam belonged to his Dean and to Dean alone. And Dean belonged to him alone.

He had felt so hostile towards Cassie when they did meet her that he had tried to cover it up with joking and teasing. He had hated Benny not so much because he was a vampire but because Dean had called him a brother and a friend.

Even ‘settling down’ with Amelia had seemed like it was happening to someone else. Not one day had passed when he had not woken up thinking of Dean and had felt more soul-less than he had been even without his actual soul. Because Dean was his soul and his heart and his identity and his whole world. Dean had once said to him ‘There ain’t no me if there ain’t no you.’ But it was true the other way around too.

Then Mom coming back had made things even more confusing. It had been a strange and stark reminder that he and Dean shared a mother. And then the pearl had brought back Dad also.

He had been happy. Of course he had been happy. But Dean? Dean had been ecstatic. He had laughed and reminisced and glowed during that family dinner. It was everything Dean had ever wanted. His family. Together.

And Sam knew with a grim certainty that while family may not end in blood but it could certainly end in bloodshed if he ever revealed these feelings to Dean.

No matter how often Dean had protected him and saved him from going dark side, he was sure that somewhere deep inside him, like the brilliant Hunter he was, Dean held a small, very small flickering spark of worry. And Dean would surely believe that this sick desire of his was just one more sign of his being a monster. A well- behaved, well- meaning monster who had fought by his side and averted an apocalypse or two. But a monster nevertheless.

Sam could just see himself waking up to find himself all alone in the Bunker if Dean ever found out about this. He just knew that this would be the final straw for Dean. That pure and fierce devotion that he knew he saw in Dean’s eyes would turn to ashes and everything would be lost forever.

So he would never let his Dean know. Never ever let him know how he felt.

But he couldn’t go any further with this Dean either.

He looked at the man in the mirror and gave him a bitter laugh.

How was it possible that he could still look the same when his insides had twisted like molten steel and his heart was warped and distorted and now every thought would be forever tainted with the fact that he knew what Dean could taste like?

He knew what Dean could feel like under his palm. He knew what it would sound like to have Dean call him ‘baby boy’ in that husky voice trembling with passion and he knew what it would feel like to have Dean’s hands roam all over his back and run through his hair and hold him in.

How many times had he heard Led Zeppelin blaring out of their car singing _“_ _And if you say to me tomorrow, Oh what fun it all would be, Then what's to stop us, pretty baby, But what is and what should never be.”_

How he wished these two had never turned up here and shown him what was possible and never could be.

.

.

When he finally came out of the bathroom Pretty Dean was standing by the door with the car keys.

“I guess we should go back.” He said in an even voice.

“I am sorry.” Sam started miserably, not able to look him in the eye. “I am so sorry. I never meant to…”

“Lead me on?” Pretty Dean said with a smirk. “Hey don’t go blaming yourself. I am rather irresistible you know.” And he shrugged as Sam finally looked at him. “Anyway…. I made the first move. So this isn’t on you. Not really.”

Sam looked like he was about to burst into tears.

Pretty Dean came closer and with a gentle hand tilted Sam’s chin up and spoke softly “You really do love him don’t you?”

Sam just blinked and stared at him in shock. _What? How._

“I knew it from the moment we saw you. Your aura is so intense and so tangled up in his. Like you couldn’t live without each other. Like soulmates. But then I observed both of you and although the devotion is obvious, it didn’t seem like you were more than brothers you know.” Pretty Dean reached out again and tucked one lock of hair behind Sam’s ear and his hand moved down to caress his cheek. “If you love him so much why don’t you tell him? What are you waiting for Sammy?? I mean look at us. Our entire universe is destroyed.” He snapped his fingers. “Gone just like that. You don’t want to wait too long to say this. Trust me.”

Sam gave him a watery laugh and just lunged at him and hugged him with such intensity that they almost fell over.

Dean hugged him back and finally tapped out. “Need air to breathe!” He laughed. “Let’s go Princess. Let’s get you back to your hero.”

.

.

.

Back at the Bunker, Dean kept the phone down and looked at Samuel. Not really quiet or shy after all, this Sam had been as sneaky as his Sam and cornered him with his deceptive smiles.

“You love him Dean. You are in love with him. Please tell him.” Samuel had said seriously. “He has been spending a lot of time with my Dean you know. Having a really good time. And you know how you can be. Charming and single minded when in pursuit. Besides, people do sometimes settle for ‘Mr. Right Here’ if ‘Mr. Right’ is unavailable.”

That had done it.

There is no way his beautiful, brave, smart, sassy, perfect Sam would end up with Fragile Dean and his ridiculous almond milk cartons for the rest of his life.

Sure Sammy might be happier having touchy-feely conversations and discussing his books and what-not but who would keep him safe? Who would cherish him and worship him and know his every molecule and his very soul?

Who would love Sam the way he deserved?

Who could love Sam the way he deserved??

Only he could that’s who.

So he had picked up his phone and called Sam right away. Just so that he couldn’t hide behind any excuse once they did come face to face.

And now he wanted to run away and hide.

This was going be a disaster.

_Why the HELL had he listened to this Sam?!_

_What if his Sam was repulsed by him when he told him he was in love with him? What if he hated him and was disgusted and never wanted to be with him again??_

Oh damn.

_What if telling him that actually made Sam go away with Stupid Dean?!_

Dean’s heart sank at the thought.

_What could he do now?!_


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam tries to talk himself out of it and Pretty Dean isn't letting him.

Sam sat in the passenger seat once again as they sped back towards the Bunker. He was trying to ignore the occasional sidelong glances that Pretty Dean was giving him. He was also trying to ignore the impulse to jump out of the car and run away. Run so far away that his Dean would not be able to find him and where he could hide till his last days and not taint their relationship with his sinful desires.

And then his brain would helpfully remind him just how GOOD it had felt to touch Dean. Pretty Dean. How amazing it had been to kiss him. Hold him.

How much better it would be with his Dean.

And then he would be drowning in guilt and misery again. What had he done?! How could he take this back? What if….what if at some point his Dean found out?? How would he explain it……and then ……but did he…..

After watching Sam wallow in misery like this for close to fifteen minutes Pretty Dean took pity on him.

“Sam? Listen…..you have to trust your heart dude. Don’t beat yourself up over this. Your aura is going all over the place! This can’t possibly be the worst thing you have had to face in your life as a warrior so far. Is it? I mean…. ok…tell me. Talk to me Sam. What were the top five worst things that you never want to face again?”

Sam was silent for so long that Pretty Dean started wondering what other counselling tactic he could use. _This Sam was a tough cookie. He was probably used to being interrogated by his Dean on a regular basis. He wasn’t going to crumble under these gentle counselling techniques._

So he held the steering wheel firmly with one hand and placed the other on Sam’s shoulder and petted him. He rubbed a small circle on his back.

“Hey? Sam?”

He almost crashed the car at the strange choked sound he heard from Sam and then he veered off road and really did stop the car and stared at Sam as he seemed to be having some kind of breakdown.

_Was he laughing? Or crying? Both?_

He waited a minute or two for this to be over and then delicately plucked out a clean white handkerchief from his pocket and offered it to Sam.

Sam wiped his face and shook his head, now clearly laughing more than crying. It was an ironic and bitter laugh to be sure.

“What is my life Dean?” He said, holding out his hands, as he counted off. “I have watched my girlfriend burn to death. I have watched my father die. I have watched Dean die….oh I can’t even keep count how many times. I have been possessed by Lucifer. I killed a good friend while Gadreel was possessing me. I was trapped in a Cage in Hell for forty Earth years and ….it’s too painful to even recount all those things…. and now?! What really scares me so much that I am feeling waves of nausea and a strong desire to run away to the other end of the planet is that I have to face my Dean and tell him I love him?!!” He buried his face in his hands.

Pretty Dean gave him a sympathetic smile. “That just shows how MUCH you love him Sam. Your fear of being rejected by him is worse than facing Death and the Devil. But do you really think he will reject you? It seems to me that he loves you more than anything else ever. More than anyone could possibly love anyone.”

“Yes. That he does.” Sam said looking up with a sigh. “He sold his soul for me. He has saved me so many times I can’t even keep count. But that’s because he is my brother. My best friend. My… everything. But…not like….. this….not in a romantic way.”

Pretty Dean looked at Sam and winked and smiled at the way a rosy blush came up on Sam’s face. “Romantic huh? Well, why don’t we pick up some flowers and chocolates for him on the way back?”

Sam panicked. “No. No! That’s…too much. It’s not a proposal Dean.”

“What do you mean?! Yeah it is Sam. It totally is!” Pretty Dean said with a confused frown, shrugging one shoulder. “What else does it mean when you say ‘I love you’ to someone? Do you mean ‘just wanted to inform you that I feel romantically about you but let’s get on with business as usual’?! No way dude. It’s not an office memo!! What you mean is ‘I feel romantically about you and I want to hold you and touch you and kiss you and you know…all those small intimacies and the ripping clothes off hot sex and the cuddles and the looks…’ It changes everything Sam. Everything. Forever.”

If that was meant to be reassuring it had the exact opposite effect and Sam stayed in the car, one leg doing a nervous jiggle as he bit his fingernails while Pretty Dean drove them down a shop nearby and picked up a bunch of roses and two boxes of chocolate.

“One for your Dean and one for my Sammy.” Pretty Dean said with a fond smile as he kept all the shopping in the backseat. “My boy has a crazy sweet tooth!”

Sam nodded but he could only hear a weird buzzing sound in his head now and his palms were cold and sweaty.

_What had he got himself into?!_

His Dean was going to laugh at him or even worse, get angry with him. This would be the chick flick moment to end all chick flick moments. Maybe he could back out even now. Let Pretty Dean give the roses to his Sam and the chocolate box to Dean.

After all he hadn’t said anything on the phone that would make Dean expect any crazy confessions of romantic love.

Sam almost broke out into hysterical laughter again as that thought crossed his mind. Confessions of romantic love. Ha.

Yeah. Least said soonest mended and all that. They had managed to live like this for so long and it worked. This New Dean and Other Sam would stay for a while but surely they would leave in some days and then they could forget all about the contrast between their lives and what had happened in that motel and he could carry on life as usual with his Dean. Surely some new Apocalypse was waiting to happen. Now that Chuck was destroying other Universes, surely their turn would come soon.

“Yes and that is exactly why you need to say this now! There may not be much time left for any of us! It is the End of Days!” Pretty Dean said emphatically.

_Oh…he had spoken that last part aloud_ Sam realized. He still tried to argue. “No, actually that is exactly why I need to shut up. I don’t need the last memory of my life in this Universe to be that of rejection by a furious Dean.”

He turned to look and saw the exasperated expression on Pretty Dean’s face and had to smile a little. It was exactly the same pissed off expression his Dean had whenever Sam tried to argue a contrary point.

But he persisted. “My Dean doesn’t do well with emotional navigation. He loves me. He truly does. I know that. He already loves me more than anything in this universe. Why can’t that be enough?!”

“You tell me Sam.” Pretty Dean purred as his hand found Sam’s shoulder again, and his fingers were softly running through Sam’s hair at the nape of his neck. “Do you think that it could be enough?” Pretty Dean had dropped his voice to a rumble as the back of his hand was caressing Sam’s cheek. “Don’t you want to give yourself a chance to have any of this with your Dean?”

Sam felt a shiver run down his entire being. Before he could answer or compose himself they had reached the Bunker and the car was being parked in the garage.

“I wonder what your Dean and my Sammy have been up to.” Pretty Dean said, almost absently as he picked up the flowers and chocolates. “They were looking pretty cosied up in the bedroom when we left.”

_Now why did that thought suddenly make Sam’s insides turn to jelly?!_

He knew how absolutely adorable Dean was when he was enjoying his movie nights. He would be excited like a child and delighted and laughing at the in-jokes and high fiving at the thrilling moments.

He winced at the thought of Other Sam dealing with Dean’s exuberance. _Probably break his wrist doing a high five_ _with Dean_ he thought to himself wryly.

But they had looked rather cosy on the bed. And Dean was going to make popcorn. They must have had fun.

Suddenly Sam was intensely jealous.

He conveniently forgot what he and Pretty Dean had gotten up and all he knew was that he did NOT want his Dean having fun with anyone else.

Pretty Dean locked the car and came across and nudged Sam with his elbow and winked at him. “Let’s hope they didn’t get up to naughty things like us!”

Sam thought his knees would give way at that thought.

His Dean kissing Other Sam?!! His Dean touching Other Sam’s face and skin and tasting him…….oh no no no no please NO !

He knew better than to pray to God that nothing had happened between those two, but he was so staggered by the force of his own feelings at that moment that he had to hold on to Pretty Dean.

The entire ride home Sam had been convinced that the worst thing that could happen was him confessing his love and Dean rejecting.

_What a moron he had been!!! This was so much worse that it was not even on the same scale._

_The idea that his Dean and Other Sam might have hooked up?!!_

Now he was really going to be sick.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hunter 101 when faced with danger-- Fight or flight.

Dean had been putting together a complicated salad for his Sammy under this Wicked Sam’s guidance. Avocados and quinoa and dressing and all kinds of fancy nonsense.

‘The way to a man’s heart and all that.” This Sam had told Dean airily. ‘Thoughtful touches like this, then a confession and then a kiss. That should do the trick! And you DO kiss SO well!!” He winked and licked his lips.

Dean made as if to swat him and Saucy Sam pulled his legs away and squealed.

Dean smiled at him fondly. He was terrified of what was going to happen but somehow, just like his own Sam, he had found it impossible to say no to this one too. And here he was now.

Preparing salad.

He rolled his eyes internally.

So that he could find a way to his own Sammy’s heart.

Not that he doubted there was already a place for him in it. Sammy loved him. Of course he did. They were brothers and best friends and comrades- in- arms. Yes, they were even soulmates.

But whether it meant that Sam could or would even want to love him in a more……well……romantic way….now that was the real question.

All this was running through Dean’s mind like a crazy ticker tape as they sat in the kitchen swapping stories from their childhoods. Sleek Sam was sitting on the table kicking his legs and waving his hands dramatically and jabbering away. Dean was smiling and shaking his head, grateful for the distraction, when he saw a shadow move in the passage and a murmur of voices.

_His Sam was back!_

Dean felt his heart flutter like a wild bird inside his ribcage and he suddenly had this bone-deep desire to simply run away and hide.

He clutched the edge of the table and turned pale. He could not breathe. He could not do this. He would rather die than lose Sam. He had done so more than once in fact.

How could he possibly say to his baby brother that he wanted to be his partner in more ways than just a comrade and a brother- in- arms??

He had rehearsed a couple of possible opening lines.

_Hey Sammy…remember you asked me if I ever thought of settling down with a hunter_ ……..or _Hey Sammy, so, you know, what do you think of you and me, like together-together_ ………..or Y _ou remember that slash fiction you found on the internet Sammy? Well what if it were not just imaginary you know…._

Ugh. Every line sounded more cheesy and horrible than the last.

Dean cursed himself. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK. _Could he not have found someone else to fall in love with??_ There were literally billions of people to choose from who were not his Sam. Not just people from this one universe, but from so many other universes, not to mention even an identical Sam-Twin who was HERE inside the Bunker and had even been inside his BEDROOM….…… but no. Absolutely not. Whether Sam loved him back the same way did not matter. He would always love his Sammy and his Sammy alone.

So that was that. He could live with knowing that.

The real scary part was not knowing whether asking Sam would mean losing Sam because he would be so disgusted. Of all the terrible things Dean had done to Sam, from throwing away the amulet, to allowing Gadreel to possess him to….oh so many, many things….. would this finally be the real final straw ?

Dean took a deep breath and New Sam put a hand on his shoulders to steady him and they both looked up to the doorway.

.

.

Sam was standing there looking twitchy and nervous and almost ill. He looked as though he was about to sway when Other Dean caught him by the waist.

Dean narrowed his eyes at that.

“Hey Sam! You ok?” Other Dean murmured softly in Sam’s ear.

But Dean heard him and in a split second put a lot of clues together.

Sam was looking nervous the way he did when he was about to give Dean some bad news or make a confession. The buttons of his shirt were messed up and what the hell was Froofy Dean doing with his stupid hair flipped up like that?!

The sight of that Dean’s arm around his Sammy’s waist was enough to make him want to draw his gun but then the sight of Sammy glancing at that Dean as though to get confidence from him was enough to make Dean lose all capacity to think.

Sirens were blaring inside his head and he could barely sit straight.

_It was SO OBVIOUS now!!!_

Sam had been so odd and nervous when he answered the phone because he had been getting it on with this Pervert Dean. His poor innocent Sammy must have been seduced by this utter asshole and the boy hadn’t even had the sense to do up his buttons properly. Now he could see that Depraved Dean’s lips were still a bit swollen, perhaps even bitten and…. was that a chocolate box he had in his hands?!!

_Seriously?!! They thought Sam would confess to wanting to be with Devious Dean and then soothe him by offering chocolates?!! He was going to take that chocolate box and beat this Serpent Dean to death with it. He was going to break that poisoned arm he had around Sammy’s waist……he was going to…..._

“Hey Dean, hey! You ok?” Sam- Twin was saying, terrified at the way Dean’s face had gone from red to pale to red again. _Was he going to faint?!! Was he going to have a heart attack???_ He wrapped his arm around Dean’s shoulders and tried to pat him reassuringly.

Sam saw that and seethed.

Then he blinked and noticed that Dean had changed his shirt from the one he was wearing in the morning and Simpering Sam had changed that stupid scarf around his neck. _Why would they have needed to do that…….?_ Sam wanted to strangle him with that scarf. Maybe that would move his fragile and ANNOYING arm away from where it was draped like a dead snake around Dean’s shoulders.

He saw Dean grow pale and twitchy and recognized the signs. Dean was getting anxious because some emotional dumping was going to happen and he wanted to avoid it.

_But what could possibly have …..?? Oh!!! …no no no no no no!!!_

_Oh goodness NO!!_

That possessive arm around his shoulders, that ‘hey, hey’ in Dean’s ears, that phone call Dean made which was so random and out of character. He had sounded so nervous and off even then…….and oh no!!

This Scheming Sam had seduced his Dean and now Dean wanted to be with him and he couldn’t get himself to confess to Sam.

Then Sam looked at the table and saw that Dean was making a salad.

That was the final clincher. His insides turned to ice.

Obviously Dean was making it for Sam…… to soften the blow of what he was about to tell him. That he and that Scumbag Sam were now a couple. Of course they were. Of COURSE they were. After all, how could anyone resist Dean’s charm?!! And why would Dean ever imagine that Sam was rushing home to confess his love?!! Of course he had no such thoughts of his own.

Sam could see the beginnings of a smug smile on that Should-not-have-saved Sam’s simpering face. Sam wanted to rip him to pieces _._

_Why was his idiotic face so close to Dean’s anyway?!_

Sam’s mind reeled as he saw an image of the two of them kissing, with Judas Sam sitting on his Dean’s lap, his useless manicured hands on Dean’s face as Dean’s strong arms held him around the waist.

Clear as day, he could see them now. Cuddling and holding hands and Dean feeding him home cooked food and smiling at him. That special fond smile with little crinkles near the eyes. The smile that was meant ONLY FOR SAM.

Sam clenched his jaw as he could see Dean pampering this Sickly Sam and treating him like his special princess. He could see Dean wink at this pathetic man and send him flying kisses and be sappy and adorable. He could see the two of them sitting in a corner, this Worthless Sam cosied up on Dean’s lap (WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS ON DEAN’S LAP??! GET OFF!!!) as they laughed at their own in-jokes while he sat there with Pretty Dean……. just watching them…… permanent third wheels to this epic love story.

He could see Dean waving goodbye to him and then sliding into the driver’s seat with this Shoddy –excuse-of-a person Sam sitting shotgun and the two of them going off on a long drive in the Impala. Just the two of them. Going away.

He could see them in a home of their own, with Dean coming in behind this Undeserving Sam and wrapping him in his arms, laughing happily, as their fingers twined around each other, with matching gold bands shining.

At that final thought Sam did sway and half turned to Pretty Dean and clutched at him with a helpless and despairing expression on his face. Pretty Dean looked back at him with an equally worried and sympathetic expression, not quite sure what had happened.

.

.

This entire wild emotional rollercoaster had taken barely a flicker of a second and Dean could hardly breathe all of a sudden.

Sure. Ok.

Fine.

FINE.

Sam was completely free to love who he wanted, of course he was, and Dean was happy for him. He was. Ok. No he wasn’t. But he was going to try. He could do this for Sammy. He could.

But there was no force in Heaven or Hell that was going to make him be here to WATCH this.

To watch his Sammy look at some other man for strength and support. To watch them stand with their arms round each other as though they belonged together. To watch them hold hands. To watch Sam give that soft sweet smile to someone else, the one which said ‘I know you will always look out for me’. The smile that was meant ONLY FOR DEAN.

To watch Sam laugh and be cheeky and sassy with someone else who was now his Significant Other. To watch someone else run his useless non-hunter fingers through Sammy’s beautiful hair. To watch someone else be the one who got to see Sam the last thing at night and first thing in the morning.

To watch Sam take care of the other man and wait for him as he got ready to go out and shake his head at him fondly. To watch Sam slide into the passenger seat of that ridiculous vehicle that looked like an organic ice cream scoop.

To watch Sam live with another man as though they belonged together.To watch Sam smile shyly and happily as they exchanged rings and vows and kissed each other. For better or for worse……..till death do us part.

At that final thought Dean suddenly stood up, so violently that the chair scraped the floor and fell over, startling everyone. Dean was pushing himself past Sam and Dead- Man- Walking Dean and was out of the kitchen door before anyone else could even blink.

“Something’s come up. See ya later Sammy.” He said over his shoulder as he practically ran down the passage.

Three utterly baffled faces looked at his rapidly retreating back and heard the distant clang of the front door closing.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are more things in this heaven and earth than are dreamt of etc etc....:)

As the echoes of that door closing faded away, Sam just staggered to the nearest chair and slumped down on it. Then he groaned and dropped his head down into his hands as he tried to figure out what had just happened.

He knew that Dean had left because he was too worried about telling him what had happened between him and Sneaky Sam because he knew with absolute certainty that romantic relationship or not, he WAS Dean’s Significant Other and Dean must have panicked at his possible disapproval of this new relationship.

Although Dean had always defended their life and their mission of ‘saving people, hunting things’ while Sam had openly and aggressively wanted a ‘normal’ life, he knew that Dean was simply making the best of what he had. As he always did.

If Mom had not died…..if Dean had not been raised a Hunter….if Dean had ever had any choice in the matter…….if Dean ever put himself first…….if …if…if…..so many ifs…...

Sam remembered the way Dean had started nesting as soon as they found the Bunker and had been the first to declare it a ‘home’. He had taken over the kitchen with so much joy and he had decorated his room with his favourite things with such glee. He had felt as though he belonged. Because they were legacies. This was their inheritance.

_What else did they have that was inherited the way ‘normal’ people did anyway?_

A handful of ashes of their burnt home, one journal full of monsters and ways to kill them and one Impala. 

Sam felt a wrenching sense of sorrow for his big brother. His beautiful, almost incandescent beloved brother, who was so full of life and energy. His brother, who could walk into any room and make everyone else invisible. His brother, who could charm anyone of any gender at any time if he put his mind to it. His brother, who was fiercely loyal and stubbornly brave. Who could veer between being impossibly annoying and frustrating to being incredibly tender and caring. Who was the best Hunter of his generation and could face down any monster from any dimension yet was the worst at facing his own emotions.

His brother, who had been his mother, his father, his best friend, his guide, his wingman and comrade.

Dean deserved better.

He deserved to have a loving partner he could come home to every day. He deserved a real home that he could share with this partner. Settle down in a neighbourhood where he could make friends, have people over to enjoy his excellent cooking. Celebrate Christmases and Thanksgivings. Buy curtains, sofas. Maybe keep a dog or two. Have a garden to relax in and drink beer while watching the sun go down. Sleep in late on Sunday mornings, cuddled up in bed. Maybe adopt a baby if they wanted to because Dean would make such an incredible dad.

Dean deserved that and more. He deserved every happiness that the world had to offer.

And even as Sam’s heart was screaming in agony at having to give up the dream to be THE ONE with whom Dean could have all these things, Sam knew that he would never ever come in the way of Dean’s happiness.

In the way of Dean and This Sam.

_Would Dean now call This one Sammy?!_

He had a fleeting image of Dean tucking This one’s hair behind his ears and kissing him softly on the lips and whispering his name…. Sammy…and _WHY IS THIS SAM ALWAYS ON MY DEAN’S LAP????_

‘ _Well if they are together-together then that is where he belongs, doesn’t he?’_ said another quieter voice inside his head.

Sam took a deep breath and looked up, eyes glittering as he swallowed and spoke in a voice thick with unshed tears.

“It’s ok.” He said to Other Sam. “Dean deserves to be happy. Tell him I said it’s ok. Just…..don’t hurt him. Don’t ever hurt him or you will answer to me.”

Other Sam and Pretty Dean just stared at him like he had spoken in an alien language.

“Uh....Sam?” Pretty Dean said slowly. “What are you talking about??”

Sam heaved a sigh and closed his eyes. He wondered fleetingly if after this was all done and dusted he should ask This Dean to take him on a road trip and then leave him somewhere far away. He was tired. So tired. And it would be simply too awkward to live here in the Bunker with his Dean and this ……this other person. This Not Sam. Not Me.

“I am talking about my Dean and your Sam.” He said.

“What about us?” Not Sam asked.

“About you…….” Sam flapped his hand around hoping they would understand without him having to actually spell it out.

When they continued to look puzzled he spat out the words like they were poison….”About you two being together!’

Pretty Dean narrowed his eyes and asked His Sam. “Is that what it was about?”

“Don’t be silly Dean-o!” His Sam replied, rolling his eyes. “I mean I am good but helllooo?! You were gone for three hours only. Three!!” He winked at His Dean as he waved three fingers at him. Then he said in a flirty voice. “And that wasn’t our deal….. was it darling?”

.

.

Sam was staring at these two with his mouth open, utterly baffled.

_What were they talking about?_

Pretty Dean had moved closer to His Sam. Umm…rather a lot closer.

He was gently pulling His Sam even closer by the belt loops.

“No. You are right. That was NOT the deal sweetheart.” He was saying in a husky voice. “Just checking that my property was not being claimed while I was away.”

“Your property?!” His Sam said in a fake affronted voice, hand to chest in a dramatic gesture. “I am no-one’s ‘property’ you wicked man. Keep your hands to yourself.”

Pretty Dean’s response was to growl and pull him in some more and kiss him.

.

.

Sam was sure that he had been dropped into an alternate universe because this made absolutely no sense.

_What was happening?!! What were these two…..? But then why did…..? And what about Dean……??_

He cleared his throat but it seemed like Pretty Dean was too busy eating up His Sam like a starving man with his last meal.

Sam felt faintly insulted by that.

_Had he not been_ _a good kisser?! Huh, ok that was way too weird. He was not going to feel competitive towards his alternate universe self who was busy with his tongue down the throat of his big brother who he had kissed in the motel a scant hour ago because he had wanted to be with his own big brother._

_Ok. Not going there. Never going there._

_He wondered briefly if they had had a Freud in their universe also._

He cleared his throat again, louder this time and the two broke apart.

Sam raised his eyebrows and spread his hands out in a universal gesture of _what the fuck_?

Or rather _WHAT THE FUCK???_

_._

_._

_._

Fifteen minutes later he stalked off to his room, washed his face with cold water. Many times. Then he stalked back to the kitchen.

Yup. Those two were still there, waiting for him.

Looks like it was real after all.

“So just to re-cap.” Sam said slowly. “You have been more than brothers in your universe.”

They nodded and then looked at each other and smiled. Pretty Dean lifted their hands which were clasped together and kissed His Sam’s hand.

“Much more than brothers.” He said. “When I turned 14, Mom left Dad. Anger issues, alcoholism, obsession with the Corp. Anyway. _Look out for Sammy_ , she said and then she took off and went on to set up the Campbell College for Hunters. Super popular career option right now. Probably makes even more money than HunterCorp. Anyway, a few years later Dad also left us. Well it’s not like he _abandoned_ us. I mean I was 16 and already on the board of the company, earning rather well from that, with a mansion to live in, but he left us pretty much to our own devices. He moved in with Adam’s mother. Uncle Bobby was the CEO of HunterCorp and had always been a surrogate father. He kept a weather eye on us. But I went through a ….let’s say …uh…a wild phase. I joined a biker gang, hung around a rough crowd, drank far too much, stayed out late far too often, got tattoos, was in a few fist fights…..”

“Slept with every willing girl within a 50 kilometer radius.” His Sam added acidly, looking away at some invisible speck of dust.

Pretty Dean huffed and glared at him and carried on. It was clearly an old squabble. “Well Sammy and I were always close but it wasn’t until he got angry at what I had become and fought with me and left for Stanford that I realized what he meant to me.”

“He lasted for a week.” His Sam said softly. “One week without me and he came to get my sorry ass back. I just wanted something different you know? We lived in the same town my whole life. Same old boring mansion. Same old twenty four housekeeping staff. Same Cordon Bleu Chef. Never went on road trips. Just chartered flights everywhere. The poor little rich kid.” He shrugged. “I had nothing in common with the ‘regular’ kids. I just wanted to fit in you know. Teenage rebellion. What can I say?!”

He looked at Pretty Dean. “I was angry with you because we used to be so close and you loved me so much and you were my best friend. And then one day suddenly you stopped. Even when you were there you were not fully there. I missed you so badly. I was so lonely Dean. And so scared for you! Every night that you came in late or didn’t come at all, I would be awake, waiting and praying that you were safe. I couldn’t take it any more Dean. But I never wanted to leave YOU. You know that!”

“Yeah, yeah, so you keep saying.” Pretty Dean replied with narrowed eyes. Another old argument clearly. “But you left in the middle of the night and wouldn’t answer my calls. I barely slept that week I was so worried sick. Finally I just drove down and found his dorm room and sat there in the dark, waiting for him to get back from his evening classes.”

His Sam smiled at the memory. “I opened the door and saw him there and just went to the kitchen to make some coffee. I had been thinking about him and dreaming about him all the time and I thought this was just a daydream as usual.”

Pretty Dean leaned in and kissed him softly. “When he came out with his coffee I stood up and called his name. He dropped that coffee and practically jumped on me and hugged me and then he hit me. He kept punching me and crying. Kept asking me how could I have waited for seven whole days before coming to get him.”

They looked at each other and smiled, their adoration shining out of their eyes.

“Then Dean held me and kissed me and said that there was nothing past or present that he would ever put before me. From that day we have been together.” His Sam said softly. “There is no one else for me. In any universe apparently.”

“There better not be!” Pretty Dean said. “Or they will answer to me!”

Sam was still in a daze from all this information. These two were adorable together and their back story was fascinating and he could spend days mapping out the similarities and the differences .......but he needed to focus on the important things. He took a deep breath and shook his head. “So…what you are saying is… that my Dean and you…….”

“Your Dean and I are not ‘together’” Not Sam said making claw-fingers for the air quotes. “He loves YOU Sam. He is in love with YOU. That is what he wanted to tell you. And I am guessing he ran out because he made the same mistake about you and My Dean as you did about the two of us.”

Sam blinked.

_Dean was in love with him?? HIS Dean was in love with HIM??!_

“We did what we could for the two of you. Now it’s up to you! Go get him Tiger!!” Pretty Dean said with a grin as he gave His Sam a fist bump.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trust Dean to fight against being told that someone loved him. Only Dean could do this.
> 
> Only Dean.

Sam was still in a bit of a daze as his feet took him to the front door. He was trying to figure out where Dean could have gone.

_The nearest pub? The furthest pub? A faraway motel if he wasn’t planning to come back that night? The other coast? Canada? Mexico?_

Dean could be literally anywhere……Dean…his Dean.

Then he stood still as the realization swept over him of what he had just heard. What had been told to him so confidently….. _His Dean was in love with him?!!_

_HIS Dean was IN LOVE with HIM???_

As the thought sank in properly, for the first time in his life he understood the feeling of wanting to shout that from the rooftops! He wanted to do cartwheels and set off fireworks. He wanted the whole world to know!!

_But first he needed to let Dean know that he knew!! And he needed to also tell Dean what he needed to hear._

_._

_._

So Sam stepped out of the front door and stood there looking at the road ahead, sweeping away from the Bunker. Maybe he should go back and get one of the cars. He hadn’t the first clue about where to look but driving was going to make it easier for sure.

Just as he turned to go back in he pulled out his phone and decided to call Dean. Dean may not answer but maybe he could figure out the signal location.

The phone rang once ….. and rang twice…… and on the third ring Sam realized he was hearing it from both ears. So he followed the sound and saw Dean standing against the far wall on the other side, staring at his phone.

Sam cut the call and slipped the phone into his pocket. Dean didn’t look up although he must have definitely known he was there by now.

“Hey Dean?” Sam asked, trying to keep his tone casual and suppress the tremor of excitement that was fluttering in his belly at the sight of the man standing there. “What happened? You said something had come up? You ok?”

Dean took a deep breath and looked in the opposite direction, away from Sam. Sam wondered if Dean was going to just ignore him, when he heard him say in a grim tone.

“No Sammy, I am not ok. But I will be. I have to be.”

Sam went closer, slowly, as though he was afraid of spooking Dean.

“Okay..…..Want to talk about it?”

Dean gave a bitter laugh. “No Sam. I do NOT want to talk about it….. but you will never leave it alone will you? So ok. I might as well talk about it. Get it over with.”

He took another deep breath and rubbed his face. He started to speak and stopped.

“Sammy….” He finally said in a broken voice and Sam was ready to jump on him and hug him and kiss him and put him out of his misery but something told him that Dean needed to process this and that he needed to hear this out patiently.

So he waited till Dean spoke again.

“Sammy….” Dean said again. “From the moment you were born you were precious to me. All my life…my entire life…. all I ever wanted to do was look out for you and keep you safe…… and I am sorry….I am so sorry that I have done such a terrible job of it sometimes. I hate myself for it. And I am sure you hate me for it too. And I get it. I do.”

Sam waited in agony, his hands itching reach out.

_Why was Dean making this sound like a goodbye speech?!_   
  


Dean gave a half-smile, still looking away. “When we found this Bunker and I wanted to put down roots I know you were still hopeful that there was something better out there. Something more. Something happier. And there is. There really is for you. You should go for it Sammy. You deserve it.”

Sam waited once again but it seemed Dean was done.

“Ok.” Sam said calmly. “We are going to talk about this self-hate stuff later but what should I go for Dean? What do I deserve?”

“Everything.” Dean said simply, with a sweep of his hand. “Every happiness Sammy. All the love. Everything you have always wanted. The house, the garden…. dogs, kids, a safe job, all of it. Seeing you growing old and fat, chugging Viagra, that’s my dream for you.”

“And what is your dream for you Dean?” Sam asked softly.

“To see you happy.” Dean replied at once.

Sam stood there quietly for a beat.

He could literally feel himself falling even deeper in love with this man. _What had he done to deserve this depth of love? After all those ways in which he had let Dean down….again and again….all Dean wanted for himself was Sam’s happiness._

He could feel himself bursting with love for this idiot big brother of his who was at once the most brilliant and the most stupid person he had ever known.

“Ok Dean. I get it.” Sam said, barely holding it all together. “You want to see me happy. You want me to live in a house with a garden and have dogs and kids. Are you asking me to move out of the Bunker?”

Dean finally looked at him, stricken. “No! No Sam. In fact…..you know what? Forget the house. You should stay here. This Bunker is the safest place. I will find somewhere else to go to.”

Sam nodded. “Sure. And I should stay here alone?”

Dean frowned. _Why was Sam being so thick?!_

“No of course not.” He said. “That …um…the Other….” he waved his hand around in frustration, tilting his head towards the Bunker.

“The Other Dean?” Sam suggested. “I should stay here with him?”

“Yeah.” Dean growled.

“But I thought you wanted me to be with the person I love and want to share the rest of my life with?” Sam asked, innocently.

Dean just glared at him. _Why was he being so supremely annoying?!!_

“Yes. Yes I do Sammy. I do want you to be with….…with the person you love and want to share the rest of your life with.”

And Dean dug his hands into his pockets and leaned back against the wall, one leg folded up and head resting against the wall. He closed his eyes. He could not do this. He could not watch Sam smile at his words and think of his love for that Other Dean.

_Talk about bad timing! To finally accept that he was in love with Sammy to find that Sammy had fallen in love too. With someone else._

Of all the things he had lost and given up in this crazy life, this thing right here was going to be the one to finally break him.

Sam was speaking again but Dean could barely hear him over the sound of his heart breaking into a million pieces.

“You know Dean……” Sam was saying. “The house and garden and dog and kids…..that could be really lovely. But if I was to choose between all that and just being with the person I love, no matter where that was and no matter how little we had, that is what I would choose.”

Dean swallowed thickly, shaking his head. _Of course. Give him the world on a platter and Sam would still behave like a Victorian romance novel heroine._

Sam smiled at Dean’s tightly closed eyes and moved in closer and closer and bracketed Dean’s head with his hands. When his lips were almost touching Dean’s he whispered.

“This is what I would choose Dean.”

And when their lips touched it was everything a first kiss of true love should be.

It was magic and starbursts and it tilted the planet on its axis. They were flying and floating and the only thing anchoring them was their lips locked together. It was the song of fire and ice in his veins. It was bliss and delight and the source of all poetry and art and music.

There were no words, no thoughts even, that could describe the sheer right-ness of this moment. This was where he belonged. This was every aching desire fulfilled. He wanted to shed his skin and enter Dean and become one with him. As he pressed closer he could feel Dean’s arousal, hard and hot against his own and he pressed himself closer, much closer and let Dean know exactly what he wanted now. What he absolutely needed now. That he was hungry for him in an utterly agonizing way that made him feel as though he would burst into flames if he didn't get it.

.

.

Dean had been so startled at that first touch to his lips that he had opened his mouth in protest and found Sam’s tongue slipping in like honey.

A groan escaped him before he could control it. This was like gliding into a warm pool of sunshine, all liquid gold and blissful calm. This was it for him. He was addicted already. He could swim in this blissful feeling all the rest of his life. There is no way he could stay away from this……from his Sammy.

“Sammy.” he mumbled as he held on to that beautiful face and kissed him back fiercely.

He was blindingly hard in seconds as Sam continue to grab his face and kiss him like he wanted to just slip inside his body altogether. He had his hands around Sam’s hips and thrust into him, feeling his knees almost give way at the explosions of pleasure that were coursing through his entire being.

When suddenly…. _Fuck. FUCK!! What was he doing??!_

Dean pulled back so hard he hit his head against the wall and really saw stars for a few seconds.

Sam pulled away too and held Dean lightly at the waist, watching as he rubbed the back of his head and scowled.

“Sam!! What the hell was that?!!”

Sam smiled and shrugged one shoulder. “What? You told me to be with the person I love and want to share the rest of my life with so that’s what I am doing Dean.”

“No!” Dean almost yelled at him. “Stop playing pranks Sam. It’s not funny. I know that you and … ….I saw you. The way he was looking at you and you……..were…”

Sam leaned in and kissed him again. He smiled against Dean’s lips and said. “You idiot. He was encouraging me to tell you that I love you! That’s is why I was nervous. That’s why he was looking at me.”

Dean pushed him away and looked properly shocked now.

“What did you say??!”

“You idiot?” Sam asked with a wicked smile, coming in closer.

“After that. What did you say after that.” Dean said with a dangerous expression on his face, jaw clenched, hand splayed against Sam’s chest, holding him away.

“I wanted to tell you that I love you.” Sam said softly. “I am in love with you.”

Dean pushed him away some more and spoke in a rough growl. “Stop it Sam. Don’t be ridiculous. Go back to him and find your happiness. Don’t say things like this. It’s ….it’s ….”

“It’s the truth Dean. “ Sam said patiently. “It is the truth and you know it.”

Dean was standing there awkwardly now, half hard, rubbing his neck and his face and looking like he wanted to punch something.

Sam waited for a half a minute and then finally asked in a small voice. “Do you not love me Dean?”

“Of course I do Sammy. You know that.” Dean said, with a stricken expression. “but this…you…”

“So ………when you were in the kitchen with the Other Sam, were you not planning to tell me something?”

Dean hesitated. “I was just ….. I thought you might be tired from your shopping trip and hungry so I was waiting for you with some food.”

Sam sighed.

_Why had he imagined that Dean would make this easy? Had he expected that his confession would make Dean fall into his arms and have violins play and birds sing and roses bloom around them?_

This could take a long time. Trust Dean to fight against being told that someone loved him. Only Dean could do this.

Only Dean.

So Sam slid down against the wall and sat down on the ground. After a moment so did Dean, at a careful distance away.

Sam looked out at the field beyond and said. “You know Dean, there was a time when all I wanted was to run away from our life. From hunting, from monsters, from all the darkness, the dangers, the constant worry. But I realized much later what a price I had paid for it. If I had to do it all over again…….if I had another chance, I would never leave for Stanford. I would never leave you. I would choose to stay. I would choose to fight by your side. I would choose to ride shotgun with you. Hunt with you. Live with you. Be with you. I would choose you Dean. Every single time.”

He waited but Dean was silent. Sam spoke again, his hand gently finding Dean’s and slowly finger by finger, twining them together.

Every moment that Dean didn’t pull it away giving Sam hope and courage.

“I have always loved you Dean. But I could never let you know how deeply I loved you because I was afraid. I was afraid of being rejected by you for this love that was not brotherly. Years later I was afraid of cursing you the way Mom and Jess….and then Dad…..I couldn’t lose you Dean. I was willing to live in the Cage with the Devil for all eternity….only to keep you alive.” Sam paused. “Dean? There is nothing in this universe or any other that I would choose instead of you. Not even if it was literally you from another Universe!”

Den finally turned his head and looked at him with a teasing grin. “Were the roses and chocolates his idea?”

“Yeah.” Sam said with a grin. “I mean there are some things about him which are an improvement on you……” and he yelped as he got a punch on the arm from Dean.

Dean had turned and was looking at him with an expression of fathomless love and tenderness and despair in those green eyes.

“Sammy…….I can live for the rest of my life on these words. But please ….take them back……and go live a happy life with someone who deserves you.”

Sam brought their interlocked hands towards him and kissed them. “Dean, I don’t know about who deserves me, but just tell me what I deserve? Is there really anyone in any universe who can love me the way you can? The way you do? Don’t I deserve that kind of love?”

Sam was still holding Dean’s hand, partly because he couldn’t not touch him. Partly to make sure he held him back from simply leaving again.

Sam rubbed his thumb against Dean’s palm, thrilled at the realization that he could now have free rein over Dean’s body. He could just do this. He could do this all the time. He wanted to do this all the time. Touch Dean. Hold Dean. Kiss Dean. Make love to Dean.

If only Dean would say yes.

Dean sat there silently, looking at their linked hands. Then he said. “This changes everything Sammy. For ever.”

“I should hope so.” Sam said with a huge grin as he shifted instantly to straddle Dean. “I should hope that there will be much more of this….” As he locked lips with Dean in a searing hot kiss and then wriggled in his lap as he felt them both grow hard again.

“Stop… stop Sammy! Our first time …not like this.” Dean grunted.

“Oh…. didn’t expect you to be the romantic one Dean! Fully clothed public sex not good enough for the first time?”

“Sammy.” Dean said with a tremor in his voice. “My baby boy. Our first time together ….should be special.”

“Any time…….. with you…….. will be special Dean.” Sam was groaning as he bucked into Dean’s hardness. “Every…. time…. together…I want this Dean…..Dean!” Sam was saying as he rocked into him in a wanton frenzy and that final trembling whisper of his name from Sammy’s lips and both of them came so hard they blanked out for a second.

They found themselves clinging to each other, panting, and Sam collapsed boneless into Dean’s arms, tucking his face into Dean’s neck, breathing in the smell of sweat and old leather and Dean and some kind of …..

“Uh....Dean?" Sam said slowly. "Why do I smell Other Sam’s cologne on your neck?”

Dean’s face twisted into a strange expression but then he frowned a little.

“Sammy….." He said. "When you came in from your shopping with Other Dean….....why were your shirt buttons done up all wrong?”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh what a tangled web we weave...

As they sat there, in the most awkward confrontation possible, experiencing first hand that indeed the path of love is strewn with thorns, with Sam still sitting on Dean’s lap and both of them with sticky pants and swollen lips and looking at each other with a strange mixture of accusation and guilt in their eyes, they heard someone clearing their throat.

Dean noted absently that his first reaction, which logically should have been to push Sam off to avoid having this look like what it was, but was instead to pull Sam towards him and hold him even tighter. Safer. Mine.

He looked up and scowled and then he saw that it was Other Sam.

“Uh, hi!” Other Sam was saying with a little wave of his hands and fussing with his neck scarf. “We were wondering where you went so….”

“Hey!” Other Dean’s gruff voice was heard from behind him too. “You ok?”

Dean’s eyes narrowed when he noticed that this question was directed to his Sam. He gripped his hand tighter around the hip.

Sam nodded. “Yeah yeah. We’re good.” he said to Other Dean, blushing and dipping his head.

Dean was still scowling as he helped Sam to push up against his shoulders and stand. Then he took the hand Sam offered and stood up, dusting himself off and hoping he could get to the shower quickly.

_And then he needed some answers from Sam but not in front of these two._

The Other Sam spoke up. “So Dean….uh…….we kind of have something to tell both of you. Do you want to come back in and we can talk?”

Dean grunted his assent and made sure that he stayed close to his Sam as they went back down the stairs. He was sticky and the whole mess was going to be painful to clean up the longer he waited but he wanted to hear what these two had to say and then he needed to hear from Sammy.

So as soon as they reached the library he growled. “Ok, so what is it?!”

He was pleased to see that Other Dean subtly went half a step behind Other Sam. _Yeah. He better be careful because he was very close to punching the man._

Other Sam had been speaking and was now patting his sleeve to get his attention. Dean looked at him and focused on his words.

“…….so that’s Dean’s specialty you know. He sees auras and he does relationship counselling. The ‘hunting things’ is all outsourced back home and we do only the ‘saving people’ stuff really. So as soon as we came into this universe and into this Bunker he realized how much unspoken love both of you were holding in. Your auras were sizzling and crackling and trying to wind around each other and both of you were holding them back by sheer iron will power. It was fascinating. The auras were trying so hard to merge. I mean every single time you looked at each other or smiled at each other or even noticed the other’s presence, the auras would flare up. In fact we really couldn’t understand how you were managing to stay apart at all! And then although …uh….Dean was rather scary at first we really did like both of you. Not just because you are us. But more because you are you.” Other Sam smiled enigmatically. “So we wanted to do something to help both of you. Save you from a painful lifetime of unrequited love. And we came up with this elaborate plan to trick both of you into confessing.”

He saw Dean stare at him in shock and he said softly, “Sorry.” 

Dean’s expression quickly shifted from bewilderment to outrage as he connected all the dots. He looked at Other Dean and shook his fist at him.

“So you and Sammy…..you ……you led him on?!” Dean spluttered with anger.

“Hey Dean.” Sam said at once, trying to calm him down. “Dean? They were doing it to help us…..”

“Yeah but still. What if you had really wanted him and he had rejected you?” Dean said scowling fiercely at Other Dean, fists curling up at his sides.

“Dean.” Sam said smiling and shaking his head. Only Dean could react in this insane protective way right now. His Dean. “Would you prefer that he had not rejected me?”

“No of course not!” Dean said immediately. Then he took a deep breath and glared at Sam. “Wait…. you mean you made the first move?!”

 _Oops_ Sam thought to himself. _Dean was not the best hunter for nothing. Really couldn’t slip anything past him. Except decades and decades of undeclared romantic yearning apparently._ He rolled his eyes on the inside.

“Hey we are difficult to resist right?” Other Dean said with a wink and a forced laugh and comedy elbows, still standing half a step behind his Sam, and not quite sure yet if Dean would wreck violence on him for having touched his precious Sammy.

Dean only clenched his jaw in response and was about to say something when Sam cleared his throat and spoke up. “What about you Dean? Who made the first move with you and Not-Me?”

Dean swallowed uncomfortably at that, unsure and slightly worried as he caught Other Sam’s eye.

So they stood there for a full minute, all of them staring at each other like a ridiculous Mexican standoff when Other Dean suddenly clapped. Three times fast, three times slow, three times fast and did a slow turn around on the spot and flung his arms up in the air and chanted something in Sanskrit or possibly Tibetan.

“Clearing the negative energies.” he said in explanation as Sam and Dean just gaped at him. “Think of it as an exorcism for a bad mood.”

Other Sam smiled and asked them “Do you both want to have a quick shower and then we can have a bite to eat since we all missed lunch? There’s cherry pie for tea!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slow updates but the pandemic isn't doing the muse any favours !! Hope all of you are well and safe and still enjoying this fic :)


	10. Chapter 10

Dean almost stormed down the corridor to the showers, now confused by guilt but also annoyed at Sam and Other Dean.

_What the hell did that strange look Sam gave him mean?!! He had made a move on Other Dean hadn’t he?!! Had they gotten up to something more?_

His blood ran cold at the thought.

But then he had a flashback to himself on the bed with Other Sam squirming in his lap as they kissed. _Oh god…and the things he had said._ He cringed at the memory.

_Kill me now_! He thought to himself and then panicked for a moment because there was a vast range of powers that might just decide to give him his wish.

No of course he did not want to die. It slowly dawned on him that for once he actually totally completely and vigorously wanted to live!! He did! He wanted to experience this new wonderful thing between him and Sammy.

He took in a deep breath and just stood there as he remembered the delicious touch of Sammy’s lips on his own. The taste of his mouth. The intensity with which he had held his face and those deep mossy green brown eyes that had looked at him with so much love. He could happily drown in those eyes and just stay there suspended in a space-time continuum and never complain.

He had a fleeting image of him and Sammy floating in outer space. Holding on to each other and kissing as they passed by supernovas and black holes and exploding suns.

He blinked and looked around. He had reached the showers and what the heck was that odd fragment of a day dream?! He was sure that Other Dean had done some bad juju on him. _What was with that lame-ass clapping and twirling?!! Did he think he was a darn cheerleader?!! Needed some sense knocked into him that’s what it was. The way poor Other Sam seemed to defer to him. He was just a big bully that is what he was, under all those ridiculous and the I- am- so- zen aura that he had. Bloody Pathchouli Dean._

“Hey.” A soft voice interrupted his mental attacks. “Dean. I am sorry.”

Dean turned around to find Sam standing there, both hands in pockets and shoulders slumped over. Dean knew this posture and hated it with a vengeance. It was usually followed by some disastrous confession or Sam walking away or …….

“No!” Dean said, sharper than he meant to and Sam flinched.

“Hey.” Dean softened his tone immediately. “Sammy. No. I meant you don’t have to be sorry. I am sorry.”

Sam looked at him questioningly.

“I am sorry for being all ….you know……I just don’t like it when…..I mean ….oh forget it.” Dean growled and was in Sam’s space, pushing him against the wall, deliberately but not roughly, with his hand twisted into his shirt.

“Sammy….” Dean said in a rough voice, his face coming in closer and closer. “I just don’t…….you…and him….you are mine Sammy. Mine!” And when Dean’s lips touched Sam’s, Sam’s knees gave way and he would have fallen down if it wasn’t for Dean holding him.

He wondered fleetingly if there would ever come a time when Dean’s kiss would not do this to him! Would not make him wobble and his stomach swoop and his heart soar and his toes curl.

He kissed Dean back, softly at first, trying to talk and kiss at the same time saying, “Yes Dean, only yours. Always…been…yours. And you are mine too…aren’t you?”

“Always Sammy. Always and forever!” Dean declared fervently as he practically ripped Sam’s shirt off and tugged at his belt and in a ninja move had them both stripped down to their boxers in seconds.

Sam was dazed and impressed. He couldn’t help teasing Dean a little. “Wow, you are definitely faster than him…”

Dean looked at him with a wolfish smile but there was a real worry in his eyes. Only Sam knew him well enough to know that he was still genuinely insecure.

“Sorry.” He said at once and he put his hands on Dean’s beautiful muscular but slender waist and pulled him closer. “I meant it as a joke but let’s not talk about anyone else now. Just you.” He kissed Dean. “And me.” He kissed him again. “And us.”

They did an awkward lip-locked dance to the shower and blessed their ancestors for the lovely pressure and hot water as they cleaned themselves up and Dean simply could not keep his hands off Sam. That glorious magnificent chest, those hips that absolutely delicious looking ass and that satiny, hefty cock that made Dean just drop to his knees and take it in his mouth there and then. And so he gave Sam the first blowjob of their life together in the shower and then Sam, although half dazed from his orgasm, insisted on returning the compliment and finally they both sat on the wet floor and looked at each other.

Dean gave a dazed lopsided grin and said “Sorry Sammy! I know you keep wanting our first time together to be all kinds of romantic….but I just….I can’t keep my hands off you man. You are just…” and he ran out of words ad leaned over and just kissed him stupid instead.

“You are just so perfect dude. I just can’t get enough.” Dean said and he stopped and frowned a bit. “I don’t think I will ever get enough!”

Sam gave a watery laugh because he was just so overcome with emotions. It had been quite a roller coaster ride since that morning and the whole idea that he and Dean…he and DEAN…HIS DEAN……he shook his head at himself. _Surely this was a dream?_ He really hoped he would never wake from this and he felt a tear slip down his cheek.

“Hey” Dean said at once going into protective mode. “Come on baby boy let’s get you dry and dressed up.”

They dried each other off but then gave up trying to get dressed after many attempts because they just could not keep their hands off each other.

Breathless after one more round of kissing, Dean shrugged. “What’s the point Sammy? I am just going to take all your clothes off again as soon as we get to the room. And let’s go to my room. I want the memory foam to remember you too.” He grinned with such delight that Sam fell in love with him once again and some more.

“But listen.” Dean cleared his throat and looked sheepish. “I don’t want to run into the other two ok? So let’s sneak out and get to my room without passing the kitchen area.”

Sam couldn’t help giggling at the idea that they had fought Death and the Devil but were now sneaking around like teenagers wanting to avoid their parents who had caught them making out.

So they made their way furtively down the corridors, wearing just their towels, and quietly and quickly went into Dean’s room and closed the door behind them. Dean immediately pressed Sam up against the door and kissed him hard and wild, as though their last kiss had been years ago rather than barely a minute ago.

Sam suddenly tapped out and pointed behind him wide eyed. Dean turned to look and his jaw dropped.

There are candles all over the room and rose petals strewn over the bed. On the table was some food and a pie.

They just stared at this display in a daze for a few seconds and Sam was the first one to snap out of it and grin. “They did this for us! Are we that predictable?”

He went to the table and picked up a note that had been kept there.

‘To Hero Dean and Warrior Sam’ it said.

Dean came and started reading it over his shoulder.

‘We are going on a road trip for a few days.

Hope you don’t mind if we take the Impala.

Haha just kidding!’

Samuel and Dean

P.S. Seriously--just kidding. Do not go to the garage to check! Stay in the room and enjoy!

.

.

And so they did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the crazy delay in updating but my laptop crashed and then the hard disk recovery took ages. In all the chaos I completely forgot that one chapter was still remaining to post in this fic! Well here it is and hope you enjoyed the story :)

**Author's Note:**

> No idea where this is going though I do have a broad plotline and ending kind of worked out!  
> Do comment and share your ideas too :)


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